Day 2 - False starts and hokey ass self help books

I'm starting early today. I started out thinking about The Narcoleptic which I will admit is not the best way to start one's day when one has been dumped by the aforementioned. Rejection digs deep and worms its way into your psyche. BUT. Even though I am slightly suicidal and depressed, I am trying to "fight for my shitty life." Trying, trying, trying.
My therapist has recommended two books to me: Feel the fear and Do it Anyway and Easier Than You Think. I've completely read Easier Than You Think, but my therapist is making me read it again two chapters per day. I guess she is the expert and has her reasons, but she hasn't yet revealed the reasoning behind her daily requirement. I was having a hard time getting into the Feel the Fear book, because it seemed way too hokey. I borrowed it from the library while I waited for it to come in the mail. That is a slight stretch of the truth, actually. I didn't order the book until today. I only ordered it today instead of 2 weeks ago because amazon.com wouldn't allow me to use my Amazon Store Card with my home address since I had normally had items mailed to my job. Anyway, the library loan is about to end so I'm trying to finish up the book before it expires. I have decided to give it a real effort. Positive thinking. I can't imagine myself as a positive thinker and speaker, but again that already goes against the teachings.
To be honest, even with positive thinking I have no idea what I am actually fighting for. I won't suddenly prefer the world just because I'm nicer to myself. At the very least, I can't imagine it right now. I will admit that my imagination isn't very creative. Again, going against the teachings. Geez. I'm failing this program already.

*Bridemaids the movie

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