Day 11 - "real man" just means I'm straight

When I say, " A real man that takes real life real seriously" I don't mean someone who doesn't have a sense of humor or takes everything too seriously. I only mean I want someone to act like they know that some things shouldn't be taken lightly. For example, one day I went into a fish and chicken grill place and this guy, I'm assuming, found me attractive and his pick up line was, " So, what are you buying me to eat?" See how he blew his chance? Maybe you don't. In my mind here is a man, in the same fucking restaurant as me, not hesitating to, essentially, beg. You already want something from me before I even know you. Even if they're joking, I think it speaks to their character. Now, I'm not a tightwad by any means, but I know that many women have gotten sucked into paying for men and I'm not here for it. I'm not here for that at all. Of course, I will buy random gifts and food throughout a relationship, but it must be known that I don't owe anybody shit and if I never bought anything that would be fine. Other than that, I'm not stuck on gender roles or anything like that.

When I say "I'm not just looking for a good man. I'm looking for a particular man." I mean someone who has very specific attributes. Not like he's gotta be 6 feet, handsome, well paid, etc. although those things would be nice. I'm talking about the fact that I'm, to be honest, a bit of a strange duck. So, they will have to be able to handle me and all my weirdo ways. I'm not abusive or mean. Just... weird. Also, I don't necessarily want to be married (although I have become more flexible about this one), I don't want to live with anyone, I don't want children, and I don't believe in that head of household idea that people believe in. Also, I imagine it's difficult to head a house that you don't live in. In addition, he can't be homophobic, sexist, misogynistic, islamophobic, or xenophobic in any way. I know this is a tall order. I know.

I have already come to accept that I will never get what I want especially if I want a man to give it to me. I know. It seems, to me, anyway, that I'm not asking for a lot, but based on the "convos" going on in locker rooms and barbershops, I'm right to think that this particular brand of man doesn't exist.

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