Day 13 - Pet peeve: niceties
I hate niceties. Absolutely. As a child, this would get me in more trouble than anything else. As talkative and ruminative (that is now a word, per my say so) as I am, I hate extraneous shit. Extraneous is relative, though. Anyway, not saying good morning, in the fucking morning, was always met with "did I sleep with you last night?" Even now, I don't know what the fuck that means. I would prefer someone who I slept with to speak to me before anyone else. That's for certain. Anyway, I don't like mornings and I don't like talking in the morning so good morning is a double whammy.
I guess the biggest issue I have is that people seem to prefer the show of a thing as opposed to the thing. That bothers me more than niceties. Like the time the POTUS was in Saudi Arabia or wherever and people were up in arms that he wore linen pants to a funeral. It's a million got damn degrees and, because of the show people require, dressing for the weather is seen as disrespect. The fuck?!
This brings me to apologies. I don't like them very much. I don't give them out like tricks and treats on Halloween. Also, I'm not very receptive of them. I forgive easily. Not something I would normally say because it doesn't seem like it. I forgive things that are forgivable without an apology. If it requires an apology I'm likely to not forgive. Such as abuse and the like. I will, however, offer up apologies. Since adulthood and my desire to be as transparent as possible, I am quick to admit my mistakes or when I've been unnecessarily harsh or thoughtless. That happens more than I would like it to. I'm not filter-less nor un-empathetic. I'm just always on edge around ppl. Always assuming someone is making me the butt of some joke the way a couple of ppl used to. When you mostly grow up the youngest, in a big family, being tricked is a natural thing and makes your defenses way quicker. It also makes me unnecessarily cutting.
Yesterday was ok up until the evening when it wasn't. So, when it was time to write, I wasn't up to it. I felt myself going down, actually. Then, I dreamed about The Narcoleptic. I wish my brain would leave him out of things. My life is shitty enough without remembering he left me and dreaming he didn't to fuck me all up.
Today isn't going all that well, but I wrote that niceties bit at 6am. I went to the fucking new therapist and I think I'm going to drop her ass. All she does is tell me about her other clients. I need fucking help. I don't care about those other people unless you can tell me HOW they did it. Don't just tell me that they ended up happy. For one, I'm assuming they're not dead so you don't know how they're gonna end up. Two, I need some steps and guidance. Maybe I don't know how therapy is supposed to work. All I hear is that my city isn't a good place for progressive, single women. Then, I realize women every fucking where say that. So, now what????
I guess the biggest issue I have is that people seem to prefer the show of a thing as opposed to the thing. That bothers me more than niceties. Like the time the POTUS was in Saudi Arabia or wherever and people were up in arms that he wore linen pants to a funeral. It's a million got damn degrees and, because of the show people require, dressing for the weather is seen as disrespect. The fuck?!
This brings me to apologies. I don't like them very much. I don't give them out like tricks and treats on Halloween. Also, I'm not very receptive of them. I forgive easily. Not something I would normally say because it doesn't seem like it. I forgive things that are forgivable without an apology. If it requires an apology I'm likely to not forgive. Such as abuse and the like. I will, however, offer up apologies. Since adulthood and my desire to be as transparent as possible, I am quick to admit my mistakes or when I've been unnecessarily harsh or thoughtless. That happens more than I would like it to. I'm not filter-less nor un-empathetic. I'm just always on edge around ppl. Always assuming someone is making me the butt of some joke the way a couple of ppl used to. When you mostly grow up the youngest, in a big family, being tricked is a natural thing and makes your defenses way quicker. It also makes me unnecessarily cutting.
Yesterday was ok up until the evening when it wasn't. So, when it was time to write, I wasn't up to it. I felt myself going down, actually. Then, I dreamed about The Narcoleptic. I wish my brain would leave him out of things. My life is shitty enough without remembering he left me and dreaming he didn't to fuck me all up.
Today isn't going all that well, but I wrote that niceties bit at 6am. I went to the fucking new therapist and I think I'm going to drop her ass. All she does is tell me about her other clients. I need fucking help. I don't care about those other people unless you can tell me HOW they did it. Don't just tell me that they ended up happy. For one, I'm assuming they're not dead so you don't know how they're gonna end up. Two, I need some steps and guidance. Maybe I don't know how therapy is supposed to work. All I hear is that my city isn't a good place for progressive, single women. Then, I realize women every fucking where say that. So, now what????
Absolutely agree with everything you said! (What's with the narcoleptic - how did he get that name, did he fall asleep on top of you? that happened to a friend of mine, not me, a friend)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, just wanted to let you know we are reading and following and hoping for the best for you!
A friend, eh? Lol. I give everyone nicknames. As it happens, he's The Narcoleptic because he would fall asleep when he had plans to visit. He would tell me he's on his way out the door. Hours later he hasn't arrived because he fell asleep. Smh.
DeleteThanks for the well wishes and for reading and following! I wish I could shake this depression so I can be more entertaining.