Day 18 - Somebody tell me why I feel like I'm dying

Sometimes my brain likes to fuck with me in my sleep. It's a transference of emotions except from my dreams. I assume most people's dreams only linger with them for a few seconds after waking. My dreams are the stuff of a depressive's nightmares. Seriously. My dreams are probably the reason for the saying: You must've woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Sometimes I have actual nightmares. Someone is trying to kill me or I'm trying to kill them, makes up approximately 90% of my dreams. The other 10% is emotional bullshit. Normally I'm some weird version of myself in my dreams, but this time I was me with no additives. In this dream, I was mourning the loss of The Narcoleptic all over again. Don't most things look better after getting rest? Not worse, right? Isn't that why people say, "Get some rest. Things will look better in the morning."
As a pick me up I drove to get some food. Guess what happened? There was a torrential downpour. I hate rain as it is, but that shit was excessive and scary. Navigating that took some things off my mind for a little while. I came home and decided while I ate that I would watch one of my favorite stand up comedies. 
If you haven't seen Chris Porter Ugly & Angry on Netflix check it out. Normally, I wouldn't have chosen him but I went to the bathroom one day after watching something else and it just autoplayed. After I heard him say "Don't ask me shit!" I had to tune in and I'm glad I did. The problem here is that in my during my short-lived happiness I introduced it to you-know-who. Now it's fucking tainted. I tried to overcome the blight, but it took me under and I had to turn it off. This lil fucker has put his lil grubby fingers on everything I ever enjoyed. I guess from now on I can only watch or listen to things I'm neutral about with others. So when they're gone there won't be these lingering memories waiting to zing me. Jesus Mary, and Joseph.

Everyday it's getting harder and harder to force myself to write. Mostly because I don't have much of interest to talk about. I can't believe I said 30 days. Smh. That's a tall order. 


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