Day 1 - The Narcoleptic is topping my pet peeve list currently

So, here's what happened. I was "dating" this guy. Of fucking course, it starts with a guy. Well, this depressive episode did, anyway. So, I was unceremoniously dumped. Because I have attachment and abandonment issues, this little foray into the land of the dumped put my whole life into a tailspin. That's right. Some guy had the chance to knock my shitty world off its fucking axis and right on its ass in a classic example of out of the damn frying pan into the even more painful and upsetting fire. Previously, I had managed to avoid this exact situation by not caring about guys and also by being a glorified hermit. I had been here once before about a decade ago. After that instance, I knew my lack of coping strategies and overall disgust with the male species  did not pair well with getting overly invested in a gentlemen caller. Until this jackass who, henceforth, shall be known as The Narcoleptic.
The Narcoleptic came out of no where and made me think maybe they're not all going to disgust and disappoint me. That was my first fucking mistake.  As I have exclaimed to any friend who will listen, I only happen across a man I can tolerate bicentenially. Guess what came to bite me in the fucking ass? My second mistake was believing my best friend when I would contact her in a panic wondering how long this could possibly last. I'm not one prone to flights of fancy because I know that leads to STIs and/or pregnancy followed swiftly by desertion. 1 out of 3 isn't bad, right? Well, if the odds are that shit will go awful, then that's the best I could hope for. Especially since I got the last (and least traumatic) of the three.
It was going great until it wasn't, but I was still ready to forge ahead. Why "scour the earth for the misfits?" After a brief bout of anger and silent treatment, he decided, fuck me and all that I thought I meant to him, and never really looked back. Bastard. Muthafuckin, quitting ass bastard. I'm the got damn quitter. Not you. But, alas, I would've been mistaken if that's what I was thinking.
After years of analyzing personal data, how did I let him slip through the cracks and get to the command center, anyway??? The world may never know. Well, maybe we will. He plied me with food, compliments, and consistency... in the beginning, anyway. That's how it always goes, isn't it? In the beginning, once upon a time, it all started, blah blah blah. Maybe one day I will tell about the good times. Tonight, however? My thoughts are dedicated to the neverending loop of sadness controlling my mind that swooped in like a daytime serial killer.

*this quote came from Elle Varner's Damn Good Friends

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Even I wasn't pessimistic enough to believe Trump would win...

Image
I know I'm always like wah, wah, wah, me, me, me, but I am a Black woman in this country so I do have other concerns. So, I knew America was racist as fuck even during these "post-racial" times, but I knew not how low these muthafuckas would go. I thought to myself, ok, surely, no one is dumb enough to choose the unqualified, unprepared, psychopath to run the nation. Surely. I was a fool to think that. Just like I thought SURELY after all this footage of cops shooting and a lot of times killing unarmed citizens (not always even suspects), then they would either have to stop doing it or have a damn good reason. My faith in humanity extended too far. When they said a man associated with BLM was the reason those cops were targeted and shot was found, but they sent a robot with a bomb to kill him I had more than a hunch. That didn't even make sense. Even if I were to believe that since when is that how we handle criminals when the ones who shot up schools and churche...
Read more

Day 13 - Pet peeve: niceties

I hate niceties. Absolutely. As a child, this would get me in more trouble than anything else. As talkative and ruminative (that is now a word, per my say so) as I am, I hate extraneous shit. Extraneous is relative, though. Anyway, not saying good morning, in the fucking morning, was always met with "did I sleep with you last night?" Even now, I don't know what the fuck that means. I would prefer someone who I slept with to speak to me before anyone else. That's for certain. Anyway, I don't like mornings and I don't like talking in the morning so good morning is a double whammy. I guess the biggest issue I have is that people seem to prefer the show of a thing as opposed to the thing. That bothers me more than niceties. Like the time the POTUS was in Saudi Arabia or wherever and people were up in arms that he wore linen pants to a funeral. It's a million got damn degrees and, because of the show people require, dressing for the weather is seen as disrespe...
Read more

The pros to being single when you don’t necessarily want to be and have no one else to turn to who lives in the same state as you

Image
“Congratulations! You have acquired one human body. This was a poor decision, but it is probably too late for you to do anything about it. Life, alas, has an extremely strict return policy.” Matt from the book The Art of Starving So, I have reached a crux and have decided to present you guys with a sort of juxtaposition as to how to soldier on. Before I get started, let me start with my problem besides the aforementioned. I cannot in good faith and with my best interest at heart, get into a serious relationship with a man. Men are the way my orientation swings and how I WISH that were not the case. I cannot put trust and my life in the hands of another, especially one who will lie to prevent me from cursing them out just so they have the opportunity to keep fucking me. Or because it’s “cheaper to keep her”, if you will. Mentally cheaper, I suppose. How am I supposed to hand over my direct deposits and my STD free status to some man? Riddle me that shit. I can’t, is the answ...
Read more