Sluts, New jobs, and bitches without pussies

I’m listening to the book, Girl in Pieces, and this shit hits hard. The main character could be me with very few changes. So many events in her fictitious life, so many parallels to my real life. One thing that makes us different, though, is that she thought other people knew how to do things, life things, and I know for a fact that no one can guarantee shit. No one can know anything for certain and no one can trick me into thinking that they do. Sure, some people have a better grasp on how to manage their feelings, but anything else about the hows and whys of life? Those people get a big “fuck you, you got damn liar” from me. The book ended fairly happily, though. I don’t know about my own life just yet.

Speaking of, I was so miserable that I was willing to apply for any job not talking to customers. I couldn’t take it another month. I applied for a job I didn’t feel qualified for, but they called me, I interviewed, they loved me, and now I’m outta this thang and into a new thang. Good timing, too, depending on how you look at it. I gave myself a deadline. I said if by October of next year I haven’t turned this ship around, then I’m junking it. I didn’t and kind of still don’t want to give it a year, though. I’m so tired, tired, tired.

I almost didn’t come back to the blog, again, because as I told my best friend, no one cares about people who fall down the slippery slope and the boulder lands on them, crushing the life out of them. People want to hear about the people who drug the boulder up the slippery slope in church shoes and made it to the top, triumphant. I don’t want to climb. I don’t want to struggle. “It’s a long road when you face the world alone and no one reaches out a hand for you to hold.” Even that song has an inspirational message. Sigh.

Anyway, so the other day I was chatting with my guy friend and almost blew a blood vessel in my brain. He said he keeps me from his other friends because he knows them and he knows me. Now normally I would understand this and quite agree with this idea. However, he thinks I’m some kind of bougie in a way that can’t be tamped down in mixed company. The thing is that he’s more bougie than me! So, I asked him some pointed questions about why he had this theory with regard to me. He told me that his friends are sexist and make sexist jokes. Blah, blah, blah. I told him I wouldn’t get all up in arms because I already know some men are just shitty and can’t be changed. Plus, none of those characters would ever be an integral part of my life. After a few minutes I asked him had he heard the saying ‘birds of a feather flock together.” He said that he had. I replied ok, so how the fuck do you hang with those sexist, useless pieces of shit and think that your reputation isn’t tainted. That people aren’t looking at you the same way. He then proceeds to prove the fuck out of my point by saying, “Yeah. That saying isn’t true because perfectly good chicks hang around with sluts. We know the sluts are sluts and the other girls are not.” I said please don’t call women living the life they want to live or being forced into a life they never wanted to live, sluts! He was incredulous. He said, “These hoes only looking for dudes with money! They not fucking with broke niggas! They’re sluts.” Excuse me?!?!?!

These niggas ain’t fucking with “bitches” that don’t have pussies, now are they? Don’t give me that shit! Some dudes, contrary to all statistics and women’s desires, think that their wack sex is a fair exchange and not a got damn robbery. If I wasn’t such a guilty character I might look into getting paid for having sex my damn self. Instead of pretending these dudes are making me moan and writhe with their incessant poking, diseased stick I could be getting paid in U.S fucking currency, cutting down on this got damn debt I’ve accumulated. I have told dude after dude that just pumping in and out and kinda swirling in circles isn’t gonna get me there. Only one of them has offered anything but and you know what he offered? To toss my fucking salad. Listen to me! My clitoris is not very far from my vaginal canal! Please interact with it. If I have to diddle myself, then what is the fucking point of you??? This is why I rarely, rarely have sex with the same dude more than once. This is why I rarely have sex with anyone ever. This is why sex isn’t on my list of fun activities. This is the fuck why when I am thinking about a mate and a partner I don’t even factor in sex because I know it ain’t gonna be about shit which is really sad. I assure you if as many men as women were having sexual intercourse without orgasm some man would have figured out the cure a long fucking time ago.