Birth control, PMS, ex-boyfriends, and social media. Oh my!
I can't sleep so I figured I may as well write something. My life is just a big clusterfuck. I am trying not to become addicted to sleeping pills. However, by not taking the pills every night I have to rely on my body going to sleep without any help and uh, yeah, I wouldn't need sleeping pills if the shit came easily. Of course, when I was visiting my friend in LA I slept all day and all night without an aid. Who the hell knows what's going. My body does what it wants.
Speaking the fuck of, I can't take birth control anymore. I'm at the age where every possible side effect that could happen does happen. My friend is a devout Catholic and an overzealous non-pill popper. I may not do street drugs, but I'm not going to let a headache sit around killing me either. When she said that the birth control may have been causing my super duper depression I was like, ugh, here she goes with this shit. Birth control is not the cause of every bad thing. Turns out, actually it is. I'm one of those women who hates periods more than I hate almost anything else. I can't seem to get a firm handle on it. It fucks up panties and clothes and just causes overall unhappiness by being all moist and leaky between my thighs. For so many fucking days too! I used to have a 14 day period. At least it's down to 9 days. Anyway, so I was taking the bc to stop my periods, but once we figured out it was killing me I stopped. The next month I started a different one with a different amount of hormones. Same drastic drop in mood. Not only that, but I am PMS person now. At least with the 14 day period it just came, stayed, and left without any other issues. I got cramps the other day and thought I was dying from eating Ramen noodles and hot chips for dinner. I rarely, rarely get cramps. What the fuck is this? Should getting old be this damn hard? Shouldn't it be more gradual and less drastic or some shit?! Dammit. Just to piss me off even more. As if life doesn't already suck enough.
My ex best friend messaged me on Facebook the other day to tell me that my ex-boyfriend's father died. I know I'm a shitty person, but all I could think was why the fuck are you telling me. The ex-bf, who I would normally call t-i-s-r-o-r-r-e-t ( I spelled it backwards so I won't get flagged) was a monster. An unapologetic monster at that. I mean physically and emotionally abusive, a cheater, a loser, and just an all around shitty person who had 3 kids with 3 different women and no high school diploma when I got with him. To be fair to me, I met him when I was 14 and we kept in and out of touch and ended up giving it a go. Silly me. Anyway, I thought about contacting him because I assumed that's what she wanted me to do. Except 'round here "bitches aint shit, but hoes and tricks" so fuck him and his daddy, to be honest. Terrible I know. You don't have to remind me. I am trying to be truthful on this blog and that is truthfully how I feel. I have wished him dead so many times that I can't bring myself to care about anyone who had a hand in how he turned out. This guy might come up later depending on things so since his real nickname can't be used I guess I will call him Ex-Boyfriend.
I can't be trusted not to take these nocturnal hours to contact The Narcoleptic or at the very least fall down some tragic rabbit hole that will make me cry so I got rid of my Facebook and Instagram pages. It's getting so bad that I'm thinking of getting rid of my cell phone completely. Also, I have started to say the alphabet backward and sing a song I got from the movie Crooklyn that starts out, "1 2 3 the devil's after me." I spend every waking moment speaking aloud just to avoid thinking too much and too hard. This is my shitty life now.
Pray for me, cross your fingers for me, or whatever your thing is please add me to your list because I'm going down, down, down.
Speaking the fuck of, I can't take birth control anymore. I'm at the age where every possible side effect that could happen does happen. My friend is a devout Catholic and an overzealous non-pill popper. I may not do street drugs, but I'm not going to let a headache sit around killing me either. When she said that the birth control may have been causing my super duper depression I was like, ugh, here she goes with this shit. Birth control is not the cause of every bad thing. Turns out, actually it is. I'm one of those women who hates periods more than I hate almost anything else. I can't seem to get a firm handle on it. It fucks up panties and clothes and just causes overall unhappiness by being all moist and leaky between my thighs. For so many fucking days too! I used to have a 14 day period. At least it's down to 9 days. Anyway, so I was taking the bc to stop my periods, but once we figured out it was killing me I stopped. The next month I started a different one with a different amount of hormones. Same drastic drop in mood. Not only that, but I am PMS person now. At least with the 14 day period it just came, stayed, and left without any other issues. I got cramps the other day and thought I was dying from eating Ramen noodles and hot chips for dinner. I rarely, rarely get cramps. What the fuck is this? Should getting old be this damn hard? Shouldn't it be more gradual and less drastic or some shit?! Dammit. Just to piss me off even more. As if life doesn't already suck enough.
My ex best friend messaged me on Facebook the other day to tell me that my ex-boyfriend's father died. I know I'm a shitty person, but all I could think was why the fuck are you telling me. The ex-bf, who I would normally call t-i-s-r-o-r-r-e-t ( I spelled it backwards so I won't get flagged) was a monster. An unapologetic monster at that. I mean physically and emotionally abusive, a cheater, a loser, and just an all around shitty person who had 3 kids with 3 different women and no high school diploma when I got with him. To be fair to me, I met him when I was 14 and we kept in and out of touch and ended up giving it a go. Silly me. Anyway, I thought about contacting him because I assumed that's what she wanted me to do. Except 'round here "bitches aint shit, but hoes and tricks" so fuck him and his daddy, to be honest. Terrible I know. You don't have to remind me. I am trying to be truthful on this blog and that is truthfully how I feel. I have wished him dead so many times that I can't bring myself to care about anyone who had a hand in how he turned out. This guy might come up later depending on things so since his real nickname can't be used I guess I will call him Ex-Boyfriend.
I can't be trusted not to take these nocturnal hours to contact The Narcoleptic or at the very least fall down some tragic rabbit hole that will make me cry so I got rid of my Facebook and Instagram pages. It's getting so bad that I'm thinking of getting rid of my cell phone completely. Also, I have started to say the alphabet backward and sing a song I got from the movie Crooklyn that starts out, "1 2 3 the devil's after me." I spend every waking moment speaking aloud just to avoid thinking too much and too hard. This is my shitty life now.
Pray for me, cross your fingers for me, or whatever your thing is please add me to your list because I'm going down, down, down.
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