Adapting, anxiety and other dumb things

How quickly we adapt to ridiculousness! I have been using only the right side of my mouth to eat for about 6 months now. No insurance, you ask? Nope. Let me tell you guys why. My anxiety is setup in such a way that it will force me to do things I wouldn't normally do like live in pain for months. Here's the problem, my sister works for a dentist. Doesn't sound like a problem, right? Except it is. I was going to a Black dentist who bamboozled me and subsequently sold the practice. Two unrelated things. My sister, felonious sibling that she is, once saw one of my itemized "receipts" from the dentist and saw that they were charging way too much for services rendered. Not only that, one day years ago I was convinced my teeth were loose, soon to drop out of my skull and asked my sister to check. When my sister looked in there she realized the cavities that the dentist supposedly had filled were not filled. Sure one or two could've fallen out, but all of the fillings? Either the dentist didn't do them at all or they all fell out sooooo.... Anyway, so I could get in to my sister's dentist easily, but because I didn't want her to know exactly what's wrong with my teeth, I let my teeth really start to rot. Brilliant strategy, I know. So, I finally couldn't take it and now I need a fucking root canal. That shit sounds painful and crazy. So, she recommended the orthosurgeon or whoever and I can't afford the root canal. The new problem is now that the regular dentist has prodded around in this festering tooth it is causing new pain in my jaw hinges. The other day I sneezed and thought my jaw and mouth, teeth included, were gonna shoot out of my big, dumb head like a fucking guided missile. I almost died from the pain. I really can't use the left side now. For real. I can only open my mouth approximately half an inch. Sigh. Out of the frying pan into the fire until I come up with the acorns to pay for this root canal. Just get help from the beginning people. Don't let anxiety put you in the same predicament as me. The good news is that I brush my teeth approximately 20 times a day now. We always try to overcompensate when it's too little, too late. Had I been so eager beforehand I might not be in this situation.

In other news, I can't remember if I said anything about this guy, but we will call him In the Mean Time. So, In the Mean Time seems to think we're more than we are. I had a sneaking suspicious, but when I asked my bestie if I should bring it up to him she told me it was unnecessary. Today we were texting and he called me a pet name. Then, he invited me to a family function. He said if I were to come I would have to be cool. The thing about me is that I don't like people and I don't like people's families because they think they can talk to you any old way and I'm not for it. I will cuss my mama and your mama out so it's best if our paths never cross. Anyway, what I was thinking and eventually said to him was that I don't even know him. Why and/or how could I answer any questions about us? That would just be awkward. I would just say yeah, I met your family member a month ago and have mostly only exchanged good morning texts with him since then. I can tell you that he says he broke up with his ex because they weren't sexually compatible and he likes booty sex. Is that enough info or... Because that's all I know.

What am I doing? God, kill me now.

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