Pet Peeve: The Fuckin' Little and Big Things

I am a grumpy grinch. I know this about myself and I really try to take the appropriate measures to avoid tainting other ppl's day. No need for me to yuck anyone else's yum, right? I'm a "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" type of gal. I can't take a lot of stupid shit. Neither from myself nor others.

When I sat down to come up with topics to start out with, for this blog, I started making a list, but at one point, I was like, "I hate everything from the time I wake up until I drag this carcass to bed at night." I crossed out what I had written and just wrote "life" in black Sharpie across the list.

I hate talking to ppl I don't want to talk to. I hate being alone, but definitely hate being around others. I hate pleasantries and I hate listening to boring stories about ppl's lives. I hate how unfair life is. I hate the Jedi mind tricks that society at large plays on the masses and how, we, the masses, just go along with the bullshit.

I hate, I hate, I hate.

One day, a couple of months ago, I had a laser hair removal appointment. I thought to myself, "Ooooh, I'm going to get a couple of donuts before I go." So, I stopped at the grocery store not far from my destination. Cool. I got my donuts, but I was reeeaaaalllyyy hungry. I normally don't eat while I'm driving. I firmly believe vehicles are weapons that should be wielded carefully. However, I, stupidly, decided I would chance it. So, I looked left and right, up and down, to make sure no one was near me to get hit during my 2 seconds of inattention. The coast was clear so I grabbed the bag, glanced down, and reached for my lovely, tantalizing donut. Of course, in those 2 seconds I hit the curb. Idiot! I hit the curb and my almost-completely-brand-new-but-obviously-expired tire burst like an overcooked hot dog. See this? This type of incident right here is why I stay on the right side of things as often as possible. When I don't the consequences zoom in like the hounds of Hell are nipping at his Achilles hell. Smh.

So, I'm headed home to try to start over on a better foot after a little nap. I am irrationally hot most of the time, so I had the windows down. I also hate noise. I say this to say that the fucking grocery bag that once held the destructive donuts is now being whipped around the passenger seat by the speeding winds. I tried to grab the bag, but it kept whipping just out of my reach. At one point, I found myself leaning damn near out the passenger window and decided to get a grip. I couldn't let anything else related to those damned donuts cause me to kill myself and/or others. I left it be and it eventually blew out the window. Not ideal, but nothing could be down at that point. However, as I kept driving along I saw the fucking bag hanging off someone's tailpipe! Jesus. Mary. And Joseph. Is there no end to the fucking ridiculousness? I'm almost positive the poor driver thought their car was on the fritz. I know a bag hanging off and whipping on the tailpipe had to sound so strange inside the car. Smh.

One day, I went to get food from the chicken joint. I looked at the menu and decided on what I wanted to order. I'm fat, but I don't actually eat a lot. I just eat bullshit all the time. Anyway, I got to the speakerbox and gave my order. "Can I have the 3 chicken wing meal with a side of mashed potatLas with a Dr. Pepper?" Cashier: what's your second side? Me: The menu says there's an option for 1 or 2 sides. Cashier: Oh, you didn't say you only wanted one side.

Ma'am? The. fuck? When I only gave you one side with my complete order that's when I told you i only wanted one side. What the fuck ever happened to context clues???

I don't remember the situation nor who said what, exactly, but I remember the day I was rudely awakened from my selfish, miserable bubble to find that some ppl have an issue with gay/queer/homosexual ppl. You guys can not know the surge of anger that I felt being forced into discovering that ppl's own miserable lives weren't the focus of their convos. Now I have to be a gay rights advocate?! I'm barely hanging on by a fucking thread minding my OWN business. *I* need a fucking advocate. Unfortunately, for this grinch, I refuse to let someone be disrespected for no absolutely good reason in my presence. So, off my mouth flies. No one ever has a satisfactory answer when I ask, "what does sexuality have to do with anything?! Are they a killer? A pedophile? Stupid?" There are more pressing matters than someone else's jelly rolling, okay? If your "god" tells you anything but to love, or at the very least, don't harm your fellow man, then he's a bullshit ass god and you shouldn't blindly follow someone like that, honestly.

Let's say your god does believe that shit. Can't someone meant to guide and love everyone on the planet provide some sort of reasonable explanation as to why that would even be on his radar as opposed to, say, famine or business ppl swindling the country's geriatrics out of their life savings? If your god believes that sort of shit he's no better than someone's gossiping uncle! Also, I assume you have never worn a leather jacket and denim jeans at one time because of the whole mixing of fabrics thing. In addition to that, did your god tell you it's okay to berate, belittle, assault, and even kill sinners?! If he did, that seems indicative of a manipulative, power hungry bitch and you may want to re-evaluate who you let be the captain of your ship.

See? I done got on my soapbox. Had ppl just wallowed in the private hell of their mind, I wouldn't on the edge of beaning them upside the head all the time. Heavy sigh.

Too be continued. The list is almost never ending.