Perpetually single

I am perpetually single. It's just one of those random facts about me. I'm tall, for a girl. I have dimples. I am perpetually single for no reason that I can figure out. A few days ago I realized that I am probably never going to turn that ship around so that it really may continue to be a fact. For example, given that I am single for about 99.5% of my life I own what one could call an adult women's toy, okay? While I don't use it all that regularly, when you use cheap batteries they tend to burn out way quicker than batteries for the remote. To rectify this issue, I was on the hunt for a sale. I'm single so I may as well stock up, right? Finally I found one at Walgreens 2/$14 for packs of 24. Well, well, well. This must be my lucky day. I immediately made the purchase. Fast forward to a few days ago. I'm was in the Walgreens again looking very much like who-shot-John-and-why-didn't-they-kill-him wandering the aisles for snacks to enjoy. I grab my items and get in line. For one brief moment a sight elated me in a way that I haven't been elated in probably ever. I saw a sign for batteries on sale 2/$10. If I thought 2/$14 was a steal then this was full on larceny. I was going to own 96 fucking batteries. Oh, the fun I'd have! I scanned the ad for any fine print and deflated. The sale was for AA and anyone who has ever used a toy knows that most of them require AAA. I haven't been that disappointed in a while. When you can't get your hopes up over batteries who can you trust at that point? Anyway, once I let go of my hopes and dreams I looked up and noticed several super fancy patrons. 
Why the fuck are they so fancy, I mused. The second reason why I shall never have a companion reveals itself. It was Friday night and I didn't know it. I thought the world had gone mad and people were dressing up for reasons I couldn't fathom. I don't know when it came to me. I think it was when my best friend called and I started to tell her about the fancy sightings that I realized that some people aren't fucking hermits. While they may be single they still put themselves in harms way to try to avoid being in that state for very long. Not me, though. If I liked cats my 34 year old self would be the spinster cat lady now. Why wait until I'm 75 when I can go for the crown today????
So, that's that. 
One way, I have found to cope with being single (besides reading and watching movies) and just alive in general, is by sleeping. The cure for insomnia is getting a daytime job. Last night I found out how easily I could spend my life working until I die without constantly worrying about the future. Working daytime hours is hard for me. I got off at around 5:15pm. I got home around 5:45. By 6:15pm I was asleep. I woke up around 10pm to eat. By 10:30 I was sleep again. Not only did that happen, but my phone died while I was sleeping so hard without any breaks. Guess what time I woke up? 8:15am. I normally get to work by 8:30am. Thankfully, my start time is fluid because I would be well on my way to termination at this point since I'm still so new. Smh. So, that's my life plan. I know people keep saying I will get used to the daytime hrs, but I never do. I used to work in the daytime and I was always sleepy come 2pm no matter what. 
Since The Narcoleptic I don't really listen to music anymore. Not even Rihanna. Especially not Rihanna. One day my psychotic brain decided to superimpose his voice and demeanor over one of my favorite songs as if he were saying the lyrics to me. "You was just another bitch on the hit list. Didn't you know that I was a savage?" So that was the end of that love affair. Again, another dude has taken something else, totally unrelated to them, from me. To avoid any such future daymares I have decided I shall only listen to audiobooks or nothing at all. So, yep, I'm music-less. The only time I listen to music is if I listen to very old rap. Like, It Takes Two by Rob Base. Literally. Nothing even remotely related to my life. No parallels shall I find to further hurt myself.

 Hopefully you guys have fared much better than I have. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Even I wasn't pessimistic enough to believe Trump would win...

Image
I know I'm always like wah, wah, wah, me, me, me, but I am a Black woman in this country so I do have other concerns. So, I knew America was racist as fuck even during these "post-racial" times, but I knew not how low these muthafuckas would go. I thought to myself, ok, surely, no one is dumb enough to choose the unqualified, unprepared, psychopath to run the nation. Surely. I was a fool to think that. Just like I thought SURELY after all this footage of cops shooting and a lot of times killing unarmed citizens (not always even suspects), then they would either have to stop doing it or have a damn good reason. My faith in humanity extended too far. When they said a man associated with BLM was the reason those cops were targeted and shot was found, but they sent a robot with a bomb to kill him I had more than a hunch. That didn't even make sense. Even if I were to believe that since when is that how we handle criminals when the ones who shot up schools and churche...
Read more

Day 13 - Pet peeve: niceties

I hate niceties. Absolutely. As a child, this would get me in more trouble than anything else. As talkative and ruminative (that is now a word, per my say so) as I am, I hate extraneous shit. Extraneous is relative, though. Anyway, not saying good morning, in the fucking morning, was always met with "did I sleep with you last night?" Even now, I don't know what the fuck that means. I would prefer someone who I slept with to speak to me before anyone else. That's for certain. Anyway, I don't like mornings and I don't like talking in the morning so good morning is a double whammy. I guess the biggest issue I have is that people seem to prefer the show of a thing as opposed to the thing. That bothers me more than niceties. Like the time the POTUS was in Saudi Arabia or wherever and people were up in arms that he wore linen pants to a funeral. It's a million got damn degrees and, because of the show people require, dressing for the weather is seen as disrespe...
Read more

The pros to being single when you don’t necessarily want to be and have no one else to turn to who lives in the same state as you

Image
“Congratulations! You have acquired one human body. This was a poor decision, but it is probably too late for you to do anything about it. Life, alas, has an extremely strict return policy.” Matt from the book The Art of Starving So, I have reached a crux and have decided to present you guys with a sort of juxtaposition as to how to soldier on. Before I get started, let me start with my problem besides the aforementioned. I cannot in good faith and with my best interest at heart, get into a serious relationship with a man. Men are the way my orientation swings and how I WISH that were not the case. I cannot put trust and my life in the hands of another, especially one who will lie to prevent me from cursing them out just so they have the opportunity to keep fucking me. Or because it’s “cheaper to keep her”, if you will. Mentally cheaper, I suppose. How am I supposed to hand over my direct deposits and my STD free status to some man? Riddle me that shit. I can’t, is the answ...
Read more